
                      H O W   T O   P R E T E N D   T O
                        B E   A   P R O G R A M M E R

                                 By XL of LSD


 1. Don't sleep for 36 hours and then sleep for 12 hours to iron out all
    the days

 2. Drink lots of foreign coffee with as much caffine it it as is
    humanely possible.  This will ensure the onset of bloodshot
    eyes, plus you will become snappy and aggressive and without a doubt
    impossible to approach.  Also soggy biscuits floating in the
    drink are a must.

 3. Develop a severely strange musical taste like 2 unlimited the promo.
    Only listen to imports and generally anything hard to get
    hold of.  Set your ghetto blaster up about 2 inches from your ears.

 4. Get a Cat!

 5. Eat rice or pasta stuff that fills you up quick because your gonna
    eat very irregular and fill yourself for three days at a time.

 6. Drink strange beers with unpronounceable names and then
    stack the cans up in the corner filling up one whole of your
    bedroom.

 7. Never ever tidy your work environment because you won't be
    able to find anything.

 8. Get a phone and then take it off the hook so that you can't be
    contacted.

 9. NEVER iron your clothes.

10. If asked "Are you going to the pub", respond by "Oh yeah they
    have that new arcade conversion of Bunga 2 with 3 bit dualplane
    scrolling 50 sec update refresh multiplexing 2 player at a time
    parallax mega game in."  By this time your mates have already
    pissed off.

11. Buy an Xr3i.

12. Slur your words, "Keeewwwwwllll maaaaaannnnnn!"

13. Grow your hair really long.

14. This instantly gets you a job at Ocean and puts you in a room of
    other people who look exactly like you.
